DoodiePants

So, if you type in “can Jesus” into the Google search box,  a bunch of Google search recommendations and related phrases pop up below.  One of them is “can Jesus Microwave a burrito”. Much like celeb cellulite and dramatic chipmunks,  this is one of those things that’s nearly impossible NOT to click on.   I clicked on it and quickly learned about Jesus and his philosophical burrito. 

Turns out this internet MEME is quite popular.  The question “can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot even him could not eat it” has been answered numerous time on Yahoo Answers.    The Yahoo Answer after the jump  is by far the most in depth answer  and revolves around the age old paradox: “can God create a rock so heavy he cannot lift”.   Thanks Google Search Recommendations for wasting yet another 30 minutes of my life.

See the full philosophical answer below.

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Beat this for an odd piece of history you never knew.  The most well-known witch trial in Iceland involved Jon Jonsson, who admittedly used a book of magic and Runes of Farting against a local girl.  As a result, these magic runes caused extreme humiliation, abdominal discomfort, and constant farting.  Regardless how awesome Jon Jonsson was, he was burned at the stake for his magic rune shenanigans.  Doodiepants…….

Now this is a serious curse:

Dastardly Runes!

which are to afflict your belly with great shitting and shooting pains, and all these may afflict your belly with very great farting. May your bones split asunder, may your guts burst, may your farting never stop, neither day nor night. May you become as weak as the fiend, Loki, who was snared by all the gods.

The Kirkjuból witch trial was perhaps the best-known witch trial Continue Reading…

A Chicago lawyer says his opponent in a small claims case is using an unfair tactic by sitting a buxom woman next to him at counsel’s table.

Chicago Attorney, Thomas Gooch made the quote of the year when he made an objection to Paralegal Daniella Atencia‘s presence in the courtroom.  “Personally, I like large breasts,” he said. “However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table — when there’s already two lawyers there — dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself.”

Can't Concentrate......the boobs.....the boobs!!

Attorney Thomas Gooch said that the woman’s sole purpose was “to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings” — a dispute over a used car. He asked Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to order the woman to sit in the gallery with other spectators.  In responding to the pretrial motion, attorney Dmitry N. Feofanov said the woman is his paralegal assistant and contends Gooch cites no “good faith legal argument” why she can’t sit at counsel’s table. Feofanov, who in the past has described himself as a “consumer protection lawyer,” asked Rivkin-Carothers to impose sanctions on Gooch for his motion against busty chicks in the courtroom.

-Quote Source: Chicago Tribune
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The original photo of the tempting Ms Daniella Atencia has been recovered and can be seen after the jump. Continue Reading…

Happy Memorial Day 2011 – May 30th.  Respect for all those who didn’t make it back and to all those downrange.

So, You can run 2 miles in 11:30?  You’ve done over 10 Ultra marathons?  You went up and down Mount Kilimanjaro in a few hours?    Humble yourself fool……..
Try it with no legs.

Wounded, ill, and injured service members will compete in the inaugural Warrior Games, May 16th through may 21st 2011, through a joint effort between the U.S. Department of Defense and U.S. Olympic Committee. These inaugural games are part of an effort to inspire recovery, capitalize on physical fitness, and promote opportunities for growth and achievement among those wounded, ill, or injured warriors.

The Warrior Games will provide a unique challenge for those who wish to learn more about adaptive sports and compete at a national level. An estimated 200 athletes will travel to the US Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs to compete as the guests of the U.S. Olympic Committee’s (USOC) Paralympic Military Program. From the Army there will be 100 service members, 50 from the Marine Corps, 25 from the Air Force, and 25 from the Navy/ Coast Guard.

Check out more pics of soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines competing in the warrior games Continue Reading…

Let’s just start fighting wars with flying robots aka “drones”.  We’ll hire video game heroes and RC pilots.  Forget large groups of infantryman, marines, and huge support chains.  Keep them back out of line of fire.  Sure, you’ll always need the unit on the ground dealing with locals and handling targeting, but hopefully in the next few decades, the required numbers of ‘boots on ground’ will drop drastically. Our currently used Predator drones have already kick-started the trend.

While, the prospect of swapping troops for drones is awesome, the Arcturus T-20 drone isn’t really a troop replacement;  it’s more of a troop enhancement.  The T-20 requires no runway and can be launched using an over sized slingshot with a small team.  Technically, ground combat teams could carry their own air support with them.  That means not more waiting for the slow as molasses Air force(wink).  This drone can carry two small 10 pound laser guided missiles that can turn any target into pasta sauce with the click of a mouse.

Hippie Comment Of the week From Wired’s article on the Arcturus drone(article below):

Waste of money and they will be used to kill US citizen activists/protestors. Drones have a 3% accuracy according to a recent study. Its not like someone follows up on the ground to make sure that they got the right guy. The real terrorists are in Washington, leaving us broke with no jobs or health care or means to pay our mortgage. Continue Reading…

This Hottest Couples of 2011 post is only here to make you smile.  Plus it’s a nice chunk of shallowness to counteract yesterday’st mildly serious post about the end of the world and the related offensive tshirt.

By now you’ve realized that these are infact……not the Hottest couples of 2011. I suggest not theorizing what the children of these couples may look like.  I also highly suggest not imagining any of these couples in the process of making children. Hazardous……

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It’s a damn shame I even had to make the “Rapture Vet” shirt.  For most people  around me(Christians and non-theists alike), Harold Camping‘s rapture prophecy was a complete joke, but for large groups of people throughout the US, May 21st’s rapture and commencement of the Apocalypse was as real as rocks.

Stay tuned for more Amazing feats of Prophetic Idiocy.

From 30AD until present, billions of Christians have been swayed by various doomsday prophecies.  Since day one,  Jesus predicted then end of the world within his generation!  Even the apocalyptic beliefs of the very first Christians have been proved to be false.  It is clear from the New Testament that Jesus’ follower all expected the Second Coming within their own lifetime.  And, worse still, they had a reason.  Their Master had told them so.  He shared, and indeed created, their perception of the coming end where he would “arrive in the clouds” in their “generation would not pass until these things happened(Mt 24:34; Mk 13:30; Lk 21:32).  I also put a link to a list of failed human prophecies up until the 1920′s at the bottom of this post.  These prophesies usually revolve around various biblical books of Old Testament Prophecy, the Book of Revelation and a mishmash of current events(often related to Israel).  Check out some famous apocalypse winners like “Late Great Planet Earth” by Hal Lindsey or “88 Reasons Why the World Will End in 1988″.  And be sure not to forget the plethora of failed Jehovah Witness prophecies.  You’d think they’d give up on the second or third try.  Harold Camping’s reasoning for why million of believers would dematerialize and go to a happy place to spend eternity with an all knowing creator can be seen on this little sheet of paper to the right.  Unfortunately critical thinking does not seem to be a strong point for him or his followers. Continue Reading…

When Barack Obama was running for president he was attacked for being a Christian follower of Rev. Jeremiah Wright‘s church and espousing the views of black liberation theology.  Shortly after he was accused of being a follower of Islam in the footsteps of his Kenyan father .  Now, far right conservatives and the likes of Ann Coulter are stating that Obama is an Atheist.   Could anyone please explain how it’s possible to be a Muslim and an Atheist?   Make up your mind!

Vote in the Poll!

Pick one!

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This video is pure entertainment.  Black Panthers and Neo Nazis collected in the town square of Paris,Texas and all the stereotypes came out to play. One scoop of DoubleTard please.

“This is not about race!  This is not about race!” Shouts the angry meth-infused skinhead as the degenerate with a ‘wife-beater shirt’ and Hitler mustache next to him proudly displays the swastika emblazoned flag.   Meanwhile the zealous black preacher with anecdotal stories about his grandma preps the crowd of angry women for battle.  Then Black Panthers order Obama to come down and get these “white beast’s” prosecuted.  I guess they have some sort of super black Obama hook up or something.  Someone needs to tell them he’s just as much ‘white’ as he is ‘black’. Tan is far more accurate. Also, Where was the Black Panther sign making quality control.  At about 2:45 notice the sign stating “Friends don’t drag friends under pickup trucks”.   Well, what piece of wisdom that is. Check out the videos of these counterproductive and mentally challenged humans after the jump. Continue Reading…

For a lighter side of the Bin Laden issue……Were you wondering about who actually shot Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad Pakistan? Oh wait no more!!  Here he is.

Below is a video of the SEAL who shot Bin Laden partying it up the next day in a downtown Virginia Beach bar only days after the raid…….(ok ok it’s actually Rob Riggle but don’t miss this video) Continue Reading…