Archive for July, 2012

Jul
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Demotivational Posters Gallery 2

Here are about 100 Demotivational posters in a gallery. This is the 2nd pic dump.  Feel free to share on facebook and twitter. I can’t help it……these things are addictive.    More demotivational posters to come.

Continue Reading…

Jul
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Lincoln Nebraska Council Cat Lady – Best In Show Homo Hater

Lincoln Nebraska……where do you find them?  Cat lady wearing a hat, Jane Svoboda, has some of the most amazing jumps in logic I’ve ever heard by someone expected to be taken seriously.  But then again…..she’s schizophrenic according to sources and is under the protection of her brother. One has to wonder how someone who’s mentally ill, been declared incompetent, put under her brother’s guardianship, and lives in an assisted living facility, was able to get to a city council meeting in the first place; let alone be allowed to address it.  On the other hand, given the quality of what passes for political discourse these days, it does seem understandable that it would take people a while to catch on that she was not of sound mind.  That doesn’t mean we can’t laugh and be totally shocked though……I’m thinking she hangs out with the “Eat da Poo Poo Guy” from Uganda.  Those dirty dirty poo eaters.

A few Lincoln Nebraska Cat Lady Favorite Quotes

“Jesus was kissed by Judas, a homo, who tried to sabotage Jesus’ kind ideas. Do you choose Jesus, a celibate, or Judas, a homo? Continue Reading…

Jul
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What Would Leeroy Jenkins Do? – Geek Shirt

What would Leeroy Jenkin do? A question to ponder in any pre-attack scenario. Just a fun little shirt in reference to the classic million hit World of War craft fearless and irresponsible savage……….LEEROY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We also did a post about it awhile here: Leeroy Jenkins – The Man Revealed. It’s $12 and there’s a 15% coupon on the site right now.

Or is it Jankins?

What is a Leeroy Jenkins?

You’re playing your favorite MMORPG, First-Person Shooter or other online combat game. You and your team have come up with a workable strategy for how to tackle a challenging opponent. It will require organization and good timing, but you’re sure it will work if you get everything set up in advance… wait, did KillerMonkeyz548 just open fire? Congratulations, your brilliant plan has just been ruined in one move by a Leeroy Jenkins. The Leeroy Jenkins (or just Leeroy for short) is a specific type of Noob who has no patience for complicated plans, preferring to charge full-tilt into the fray and start attacking whatever’s in front of him. Since this is a semi-viable strategy some of the time (depending on what game you’re playing and the difficulty of the opposition), a Leeroy can remain undetected until the team hits the first real challenge, whereupon he gets everyone killed. Any attempts to point out that he had totally ignored the plan will be met with “plans are stupid” or similar. And he will never retreat. On the plus side, a Leeroy can sometimes be detected before they cause calamity when you see them utter (or type) words to the effect of “Hey, watch this!” In groups with experienced players the phrase can be translated as “Immediately stop moving toward those enemies with very big guns and back out of Alpha Strike range because Sir Badassboi is about to do something incredibly stupid and attention-grabbing.” Never attempt to save a Leeroy from the consequences of his mad charge; this will only encourage him, as well as provide repeated amusement — he will often attempt the exact same thing again when he’s revived. Should the group somehow miraculously pull through, don’t expect him to wait for you to recover; he’s already charging the next target.  - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LeeroyJenkins
Jul
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Rap Lyrics Translated into English

 rap lyrics
You know I love the materialistic, woman hating, cars and jewelry loving, weed smokin’, crack slangin, ridiculous perpetuation of ignorance known as “rap music”.  The problem is, when I’m gettin’ down in my car, I can’t understand what all the rap lyrics mean.  I thought Ice was for drinks, grillz were for cooking.  I also thought “nigga” was a word not to be used in the 21st century.  Nope……perfectly alright.  It’s goes to show how little I know about hiphop or rap lyrics.   Here’s a bit from Johnny Sacks at LivingWithBalls.com helping us out with rap lyrics so that we can understand what these buffoons are saying.  Translate them rap lyrics Nigga!

Grillz rap LyricsIt’s been too long since I’ve done this. I know many of you have probably been waiting for a new version of Rap Lyrics Translated for White People. Well, good things come to those who wait. This time around, I’ve picked out five of those most ridiculous rap songs ever written and translated them so white people can make sense of them. As always, there are some helpful footnotes as well.

Nelly feat. Paul Wall-Grillz
Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set wit little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I’m changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes [1],
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
Or on South Beach (oh) in my wife b.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it

Translation
I have a set of gold/ platinum encasings that I cover my teeth with. I have 30 on the bottom and 30 on the top
They have diamonds in them
My diamonds shine when I smile
They are expensive
I have many different types of precious metals on these grills
I put different ones on every day. Which is a lot.
I could be wearing these grills with a plain white t-shirt
Or I could be wearing them in Miami with a tank-top undershirt. I haven’t decided yet.
My grandmother does not approve but the girl I am currently having sexual relations with likes them. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Westboro Baptist Church Protester Caught Wearing Glee Shirt

A Westboro Baptist Church member was caught protesting the ordination of a gay pastor in Madison Wisconsin while wearing a tshirt advertising one of the gayest shows on earth…….GLEE.    The church was made famous a few years back for protesting at soldiers funerals and carrying sign with messages stating, “God hates fags”, “Thank God for dead soldiers”, “Fag enabler”  and other creative slogans.  According to the person who took this picture and posted it on Flickr, “She told us she didn’t know anything about the shirt, but that her sister gave it to her when they headed out this morning.”  Wow…your sister really effed you on that one!  Nothing against Glee, I’m just a bigger fan of entertainment that promotes human breeding  and the continuation of the species.  If you dig Glee…roll with it.   I would offer any over 20 male I caught watching it alone a strict regime of pushups, UFC Dvd’s, hetero porn, and daily bacon supplements to counter act any possible craving to sing or participate in musicals. Forgive me for being such a Glee-a-phobe.  I worry that Glee may convert a too many males over to non breeding lifestyles and the already strained US economy will collapse  and begin a steady cycle of deflation and showtunes.

Westboro Baptist Church

Protester Fail

Huge Thank you to the Patriot Guard Riders, who make it their mission to protect the funerals of fallen US soldiers from these Westboro Baptist Church douchbags. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Poofy Hair Guy From Ancient Aliens Meme

Ancient Aliens Meme Hair Guy

 

If you’ve ever watched the History channel’s Ancient Aliens series, you’ll surely remember this boofter.  His lack of critical thinking, over use of phrase “could it be possible” and his poofy hair spray tan combo make him the most memorable character in the series.  Giorgio A. Tsoukalos is so memorable, an entire Meme has formed around his statements that label aliens as the cause for nearly every significant event in history.

 

 

Check out the Full Ancient Aliens Meme Collection below Continue Reading…

Jul
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Plastic St. Joseph – Please Sell My Home

I found this “St. Joseph Sell Your Home” kit at a garage sale and couldn’t resist picking it up for 50 cents.  At the time I thought it was some sort of Catholic gag gift.  Then, shortly a few months later I received an email from my Grandma all about St. Joseph and his home selling wonders.  Wild Catholic traditions never cease to amaze me so my interest was perked.  This down housing market has people doing ridiculous things……including burying upside-down St. Joseph statues in their lawn in the hopes that it will increase the chance of a home sale.

St. Joseph – What ? Why? How?

St. Joseph, the husband of Mary and earthly Father of Jesus Christ, is honored as the patron saint of married couples, families, carpenters and workingmen. March 19, his feast day, is especially celebrated by people of Italian and Polish descent. Over the years, the tradition arose of St. Joseph having a special power in real estate transactions. European nuns buried a medal with his likeness on property they hoped to acquire for convents. Gradually the medals were replaced with statues and the focus changed from buying to selling. The statue is buried upside down in the front yard with the feet pointing to heaven. It may face towards the home (or towards the street if you want your neighbor’s home to sell!) The location of the statue can vary: by the “For Sale” sign, in a flower pot (popular for condo owners), etc.. As long as you can find it once the home has sold. After the home has sold, the statue should be removed from the ground and given a place of honor in your new home.  -Cathoilc Supply

Below the picture check out some of the Amazon reviews from people that have used the plasitc St. Joseph to sell their house.

 

St. Joseph Real estate miracle

I heard that if you bury an upside down barbie in a flowerpot you’ll marry a stripper within 2 months.

Continue Reading…

Jul
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Demotivational Posters Gallery 1

Here are a ton of Demotivational posters in an easy to view gallery. This is the  first dump of demotivators.  More to come in near future.  Feel free to share this guilty pleasure facebook and twitter.
Tit on backwards

Sure, Demotivational posters are super 2006 but I have well over 1000 of them in folder and thought I’d share the bounty……Here’s the first part of a collection of Unexplained images and ridiculous demotivational pics collected from the darkest caverns of the internet.  FULL GALLERY BELOW

Continue Reading…

Jul
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How To Beat a Child – Michael Pearl

how to beat a child

Forget “time out” and taking away video games for a week…..1/4 inch PVC is the best!

Hey we all need an ass whopping every now and then, but having it be the main form of punishment could get really old.  Not to mention, if you’re a little dude, I hear getting hit with objects by your parents too often can have some negative psychological effects. Spanking kids as a last resort is one thing, but Michael Pearl sets the main form of discipline being a whack with anything from a piece of wood to a 1/4 inch PVC pipe.  According to him if you want to know how to beat a child, a 1/4 inch PVC pipe is particularly good due to it’s high pain low injury ratio.

One of the most twisted instructions found in Michael Pearl’s book To Train Up A Child is where he suggests tempting a child with a bite of their favorite food ~ placing a piece within the child’s reach ~ and when said child instinctively reaches out for the food ~ Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, ‘No.’  Wow…….it’s like an instruction manual for building social retards.  Go Michael Pearl and your Epic Beard!  The ought to be called “How To Beat A Child”.

 No Greater Joy is the ministry of Michael & Debi Pearl under the auspices of No Greater Joy Ministries Inc. Michael has been a pastor, missionary, and evangelist for over 40 years. The Pearls’ five children were all homeschooled, and have grown up to become missionaries and church leaders. Though holding a degree from the Mid-South Bible College (now Victory University), when Michael is asked for his credentials on child training he points to his five children.  – NoGreaterJoy.com 


Here’s a quote from the maker of the video below:  Michael Pearl is a butthurt man. So in the long tradition of those who don’t like having their own words used against them, No Greater Joy Ministries has filed a false DMCA to try and silence those who speak out against him. I will not let this go unchallenged.   Watch him subjugate his wife and beat mock child below….oh what fun. Continue Reading…