Aug
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Scary Breathing Face Fitness Lady – Greer Childers

green Childers face fitness

The infinite pre-sneeze

Greer Childers, now at the age of 65, and obviously greatly “enhanced” by plastic surgery and botox, has reappeared in infomercial land with a “revolutionary” (she claims) new program for body and face fitness.  I’m unsure that it’s any scientific breakthrough, but if you want exercise and totally ridiculous at the same time, try out this woman’s odd breathing and facial fitness techniques.   It’s cool if your not all that concerned with what the fitness science world has learned about fat loss, muscle building and cardiovascular activity.  Something is better than nothing i suppose………I really could care less, I just want to make fun of her. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Rap Lyrics Translated into English

 rap lyrics
You know I love the materialistic, woman hating, cars and jewelry loving, weed smokin’, crack slangin, ridiculous perpetuation of ignorance known as “rap music”.  The problem is, when I’m gettin’ down in my car, I can’t understand what all the rap lyrics mean.  I thought Ice was for drinks, grillz were for cooking.  I also thought “nigga” was a word not to be used in the 21st century.  Nope……perfectly alright.  It’s goes to show how little I know about hiphop or rap lyrics.   Here’s a bit from Johnny Sacks at LivingWithBalls.com helping us out with rap lyrics so that we can understand what these buffoons are saying.  Translate them rap lyrics Nigga!

Grillz rap LyricsIt’s been too long since I’ve done this. I know many of you have probably been waiting for a new version of Rap Lyrics Translated for White People. Well, good things come to those who wait. This time around, I’ve picked out five of those most ridiculous rap songs ever written and translated them so white people can make sense of them. As always, there are some helpful footnotes as well.

Nelly feat. Paul Wall-Grillz
Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set wit little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I’m changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes [1],
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
Or on South Beach (oh) in my wife b.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it

Translation
I have a set of gold/ platinum encasings that I cover my teeth with. I have 30 on the bottom and 30 on the top
They have diamonds in them
My diamonds shine when I smile
They are expensive
I have many different types of precious metals on these grills
I put different ones on every day. Which is a lot.
I could be wearing these grills with a plain white t-shirt
Or I could be wearing them in Miami with a tank-top undershirt. I haven’t decided yet.
My grandmother does not approve but the girl I am currently having sexual relations with likes them. Continue Reading…

Jun
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Marilyn Monroe For 5 Bucks – Fiverr Find

Happy birthday Marilyn Monroe.  The silver screen super babe  was born on June 1, 1926 at the Los Angeles County Hospital.  Marilyn Monroe went on to become one of the most iconic figures in female media history.  Famous for wind blown skirts, seductive bikini poses and controversial sexual prowess, she may have been the Jenna Jameson of the era.  (though she definitely one upped Jenna by banging president Kennedy)  I think it funny how people idolize her and paint her as some sort of Hollywood sweetie.  The irony is staggering. She did a lot of drugs and had a lot of sex. Keith Richards and Axel Rose would have kept her wonderful company.  If Marilyn Monroe was a starlet born in 1985, we’d likely see her today on E! getting out of rehab, dating Charlie Sheen, and partying with Paris Hilton nipple slipping and crotch shotting like there’s no tomorrow.  And……she probably would have made a sex tape and fake accidentally released it to get publicity.

 first crochet bikini

I’m Sexy and I know it

Marilyn Monroe swimsuit

I don’t workout

Continue Reading…

Mar
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Collagen Lip Injections and Duck Face Monsters

Don’t get me wrong, lots of dudes like a girl with full, pouty, sexy lips……but when they look like a buffalo carp that’s been punched in the the mouth repeatedly; not so much. The Botox and lip injection craze seems to have crossed paths with the “duck lips” phenomena and created an ugly monster.     Below are some of the worst collagen lip injections on the planet.

Trout Pout Duck Face

 When are these girls going to realize that they’re became the laughing stock of the internet with their plastic surgery trout pouts and not hot club chicks anymore?  Full Gallery Below…enjoy Continue Reading…

Feb
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Whitney Houston Saved The Earth From Asteroid Impact

You’d think by the media coverage of Whitney Houston the we all missed something.   She may not have saved the Earth , but she was a great singer that lived life rife with cocaine and drowned in a bathtub. I’m wondering how someone who criminally purchases narcotics on a regular basis get’s so much positive coverage?  Are our priorities out of wack like the guy in the video implies?    Put Your Comments Below

I sing, drink a lot of whiskey and am a bad role model.  I’m hoping for some serious all day media coverage when I kick the bucket.

You probably didn’t hear about these guys, but hey, why would you.  They’re just military members…. Continue Reading…

Jan
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Rosie O’Donnell Eats Whole Shark, Still Hungry

Hammerhead sharks have been on the endangered species list since 2008, and a Florida law that makes it illegal to fish them went into effect on January 1st, but f**k them says Rosie O’Donnell, who killed at least 2 (maybe 4) before then.     It’s all kind of ironic since, she’s been such an overbearing pig about hunting and gun control.

I don’t care if you want to hunt, I don’t care if you think it’s your right. I say, sorry, you are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun I think you should go to prison. -Rosie O’Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell  shark kill

Rosie O’Donnell poses with controversial dead hammerhead shark

Rosie o'donnell with hammerhead shark

 

 

 

According to the Florida Sun Sentinal:   Rosie O’Donnell and her family caught huge hammerhead sharks in fishing trips off the South Florida coast.  Now environmentalists (are) irate at the killing of ocean predators that are considered overfished around the globe.  “Right now sharks are the most endangered animals around,” said Erik Brush, a Sarasota marine conservationist. “This is basically an endorsement. It sends the message that it’s an OK activity. And this is not an activity that we want celebrities endorsing.”  As for O’Donnell’s reaction to the controversy: “She’s amused by it.

I’m guessing the stink coming off Rosie’s blubber probably had schools of hammerheads and blues surrounding the boat Continue Reading…

Jan
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Pat Robertson Quotes God, Get’s Called Out By Colbert

Pat Robertson false prophetIf you come from religious perspective and can get over Colbert’s irreverence of tradition, you’ll realize that he’s doing what needs to be done more often—–punking out buffoons like Pat Robertson.  Pat is part of a long list of people smacking their lips on God’s behalf, claiming the know the future, and repeatedly contradicting themselves.   He claims to quote God directly and relays God’s message that the country will go through a large economic collapseIs God Captain obvious now?  The only specific detail that God gave Pat Robertson was the identity of the next US president.  Unfortunately, Pat was not allowed to tell the public.  I find this quite convenient, just in case he misheard God.

The Colbert Report

 

Pat Robertson apparently gets a pass on Bullshit claims of future knowledge and connection with God Continue Reading…

Jan
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Disney’s Princess Kesha Video Sluts Up Rapunzel

An exclusive, sneak peak at the newest Disney movie; Disney’s Princess Ke$ha.  For those who thought that Ke$ha could never play a sweet, innocent Disney princess — well, you were right. The pop star puts her uniquely dirty spin on the fairy tale world in “Disney’s Princess Ke$ha,” a new video for humor website Funny or Die.  After this Kesha video, you may look are your Disney characters in a new light.

The video wins cool points for slutting up the wholesome Disney format.   For the first 30 seconds of the video, Ke$ha plays a tower-bound beauty who has just woken from her slumber, but the G-rated scene quickly turn into an R-rated party Continue Reading…

Dec
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Katherine Heigl Hates Balls

Katherine Heigl Naked

Boner Softener

 

Katherine Heigl is taking an unconventional, humorous approach to help spread the message about spaying and neutering.

The animal-loving actress stars in a new PSA (which is not suitable for children), produced by Funny or Die, for the recently launched site IHateBalls.com, in which she jokes that the real reason she’s such an advocate for spaying and neutering animals is because she simply hates “terrible, terrible testicles.”

The PSA delivers a humorous take on a very serious issue and features some of Heigl’s furry friend and a brief cameo by her husband, musician Josh Kelley.   

“Launching this campaign is hopefully the type of out-of-the-box thinking we need to heighten awareness of the devastating problem, and sound the alarm that we can save many lives by simply spaying/neutering pets. Hate balls, fix pets, save lives. It’s just that simple,” Heigl said in a statement.  All net proceeds from the sale of “I Hate Balls” merchandise will go to the Jason Debus Heigl Foundation

-Tails Inc

 

This is quite a step for Katherine.  I never knew she was this cocky. This ad drives me nuts.  She totally sacked her fans with this ridiculously ballsy PSA.  Here’s a gallery of her pictures below if you’re a fan. Continue Reading…

Dec
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Iraq Doesn’t Get a Bailout – Trump Says Pay Up

Donald Trump yelling with Model

Like a Boss!

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“Call me old school, but I believe in the old warrior’s credo that ‘to the victor go the spoils.’ In other words, we don’t fight a war, hand over the keys to people who hate us, and leave. We win a war, take the oil to repay the financial costs we’ve incurred, and in so doing treat Iraq and everyone else fairly.”

“It’s hardly a radical idea,” continues Trump. “In September 2010, our own Government Accountability Office and others studied the issue in depth and concluded that a cost-sharing plan is feasible and wise.”

“From the very beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom, I believed we should have hammered out the repayment plan with the Iraqis – through exiled Iraqi dissidents,” says Trump. “Oil revenues could have been used to reduce the sticker price for occupation. And there’s still no reason we can’t or shouldn’t implement a cost-sharing arrangement with Iraq.”

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=47927

My Thoughts:

If you can’t win at the expense of others, than what’s the point of playing. The US got a twofer Continue Reading…