DoodiePants

How to spit fire out of your mouth NOT

How to spit fire out of your mouth?  I hope you didn’t visit this site for an honest education in fire spitting.  The risk of lighting your face on fire might not be worth your amateur attempt at gaining cool points at the bar.

Drinking and showing off are always  fun but drinking and showing off with fire are almost never a good combination(though still entertaining).   After lighting myself, my lawn,, a few ammo dumps,  and a buddy’s truck on fire, I think I can talk a bit. I thoroughly enjoyed each fiery experience and was only a tad drunk when they happened.(seriously friends reading this….I wasn’t THAT drunk that time)  I’ve never billowed fire from my face, but, I’ve always wanted to be able to.  I supposed I’ve never gotten the urge to put a flammable liquid in my mouth an light it.  I just seems like a bad idea all around.  Though… I have always wished I could be a bigass green dragon that flies around shooting fire at villagers and quiet settlements. I hate villagers.

Maybe I should have joined the Air Force instead of the Army.  AC-130 gunships are about as close as you get to a flying dragon.  But, then I wouldn’t be able to be big ass lizard and have death talons……oh the tradeoffs.

The two videos below are NOT good examples of how to spit fire out of your mouth. Continue Reading…

We were so busy being hot, making gift baskets and planning conspiracies against the USA we totally forgot to call!

While living in an Islamic nation a couple years ago, I started a discussion with a local friend about 9/11 and advent of the recent conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Often times these sort of discussions end up pretty interesting and I learn a good deal about international and religious perspectives. After the obligatory Bush bashing session was over, my Muslim friend informed me that the Israel had planned 9/11 and “everyone knows it”.   I was surprised by this claim. I had expected another “Loose Change”, ’9/11 inside job’ rant.  During my travels I’d heard Israel blamed for nearly everything wrong in the Islamic world.  Now, 9/11?  My well mannered Muslim friend then proceeded to tell me that it was a known fact that 4000 Jewish people had skipped work on 9/11/2001.  A Known fact?  According to who?

Do you realize the conspiracy that this would entail?  It would mean that a 4000 person secret Jewish network composed of regualr day jobbers, had to keep their lips completely sealed for the last 11 years.  This includes not telling their Jewish friends and family in other cities.    The belief also requires that the 4000 Jews that skipped work were all part of the plan in some way…..as none of them have come forward.  Imagine the number of people who may just have a problem with the the idea of covering up the death of 3000 non-Jewish American’s.  How is it possible that this many people had the ability to  keep a secret from the public that was this horrific? No way…..I had to investigate.

Trolling the internet I found the claim on many conspiracy websites and Islamic related sites and after reading a few, I realized that there was no actual evidence to substantiate the claim.  If there’s no evidence, why should we believe the less plausible argument?  It’s ridiculous.  The first known appearance of the “4,000 Jews” or “4,000 Israelis” claim was on Hezbollah’s al-Manar television on September 17, 2001.  

It claimed that 4,000 Israelis who worked at the World Trade Center “remarkably did not show up in their jobs” on September 11. The 4,000 figure apparently came from an article entitled “Hundreds of Israelis missing in WTC attack, Continue Reading…

I have no idea why I posted this.  I was sitting there drinking whiskey and watching The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, then fell into a trance and started copying and pasting video embed codes.  Bob Ross is dead by the way……but 5 streaming full episodes are in this post.  If you fall asleep while watching these videos(which is quite likely) Bob Ross may will speak to you in your dreams and help you pick lotto numbers and/or foretell the apocalypse.

In painting, you have unlimited power. You have the ability to move mountains. You can bend rivers. But when I get home, the only thing I have power over, is the garbage.” -Bob Ross

Go ahead…..watch, you know you can’t resist the Rossage.

Bob Ross Majestic Pine – 100th Episode

More episodes below Continue Reading…

Currently Nigerian scam artists may be the most poorly trained yet functional English users on the planet.  What’s Nigeria’s national language?   English.  Unfortunately, Nigeria now has its own version of “Sesame Street”, named “Sesame Square”. This can only mean one thing.  In the next few years, Nigerian scam emails will be written with decent English making them much more difficult to decipher.

Yes, That email from Mr. Barrister Yneki whose father recently died with a 4 Million dollars worth of Gold bullion trapped in a UK Bank account may soon be spelling error free.  And that fake PayPal funds deposit email might actually have the word “Transaction” spelled correctly.   Future scam victims will have to start using their brains and ask themselves, “why would someone with a ridiculously odd name that doesn’t match their email claiming to be from an eastern African country randomly email me and offer me large amounts of money”?   What…..a Nigerian scam?  No way!

Nigerian Scam emails and Sesame Street

The new “Sesame Square” show has a bunch of the characters from the US show, a Bid Bird with a Nigerian Accent, a furry monster obsessed with eating Yams and a character with AIDS who’s mother died.   It would be perfect if there were an Oscar the Grouch character that sits around all day figuring out new ways to rehash 419 email scams.  A grouch that sits around and writes up Nigerian scam emails and sends them to unsuspecting kids and old people would be epic.  Then there could be episodes where penpal kids from the US get scammed out of their allowance and report the Grouch the FBI.  Or they mail off their copy of Call of Duty 3 to Nigeria only to find out the PayPal payment was bunk.  I could think up new episodes all day.  Continue Reading…

What me? What’s the problem?

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always noticed something  weird about cat men.  Any guy over thirty that lives alone and loves cats……..is either really creepy or shockingly eccentric. I don’t know why so many cat men end up this way,  but I’ve compiled a small collection of pictures and video that I think illustrate my point perfectly.

Sometimes you CAN judge a book by it cover.  When it comes to cat men…….it’s a very odd book and probably a book you wouldn’t want to leave your children alone with or be stuck with in an elevator with no power.  You may think I’m being to harsh, but let’s think about it.  If your 5 year old needed a babysitter and the 35 year old single guy that lives down the street and owns 6 cats offered to babysit for a day, would you let him?  Nope……  Point proven.

In addition to the wonderful pictures above, I found a couple of websites  attempting to portray the ownership of cats as a masculine activity.  Haha cat men!     I also found the keyboard cat video….yay Continue Reading…

One Sexpresso Please

OK, not much of a newsflash…..everyone knows that half naked women will increase sales.  But, with half naked Italian women—-double whammy!  It is interesting to watch it happen with a business that doesn’t involve strippers, hosting space or chicken wings.  Though I would totally be in support of a Hooters staffed exclusively by Italian women.

The streets in the small Italian town of Bagnolo have been recently congested around a small coffee shop.  Men from miles around come to visit this scantily clad barmaid, Laura Maggi and grab an Espresso.  Her sensual allures have exponentially upped her sales to the male population and had quite an effect on the town.  Neighbors are up in arms about the traffic and wives and girlfriends from the local area have vocally state their disgust. More Pics in full gallery below Continue Reading…

Get your learnin’ britches on….

The odds for Blackjack are normally around 49% if for an experienced player.  There are tons of online resources online that will promise you higher odds and guaranteed winning strategies.  Most won’t help help you much.  In fact, they may make an amateur overconfident and on the road to losing an exorbant amount of money.  If you’ve seen the movie “21″ about the MIT Blackjack team, you’ll  know that the system  can be hacked.  Simple techniques of tracking the cards in play will give you an advantage over the average player.  One things to be aware of, is the number of decks in play.  Many casinos use multiple decks now to combat blackjack card counting.  This can make any Blackjack technique more challenging to earn with.

If you’re going to play casino Blackjack with the big boys, I advise you to watch this video and you’ll raise your earnings percentage by following a few simple techniques.

This method was pioneered by the MIT Blackjack Team, who used statistical science to play casino blackjack…..and win.

“Luck is For Losers” by INC gives a little insight on the man who removed the risk from Blackjack. Continue Reading…

This may be on of the most epic speech music compilations ever made.  This is a video of Ronald Reagan’s 1964 speech in support  of Republican Goldwater’s Presidential Campaign.  It’s over 40 years old and strikingly relevant today. Ronald Reagan was an amazing public speaker.  If only we could clone him for this next election.  He’d be nice for the coming ‘cold war part deux’ with Iran.  I have a feeling we’re in for another Southpark inspired election season where we’re once again forced to choose between a Giant Douch and a Turd Sandwich.   Rest in peace Reagan……

I’ve been watching the video before the gym.  It goes great in combination NO-Explode and meth.

See the full Ronald Reagan speech below. Continue Reading…

Everyone poops in this Japanese import book written by Taro Gomi for children. Readers are informed on page one that “an elephant makes a big poop, a mouse makes a tiny poop.” Later on, they are told that it comes in different shapes, colors, and smells, and that, depending on who is doing it, it is done in different places. The summarizing statement is that “all living things eat, so everyone poops.” However, there is never any explanation offered as to why. Overall, the text is merely a series of rather dull pictures of back ends of people on toilets and animals, with captions identifying them and occasionally posing questions such as “What does a whale’s poop look like?” (No answer is provided.) There is even a little joke: “A one hump camel makes a one hump poop. And a two hump camel makes a two hump poop. Just kidding.”

Click Pic to Buy!

Best Children's Book Ever

Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series)

We never got this much freedom with science fair projects when I as a kid.  Oh the times is changin.

Need to get a few tips from this Kid.  What will those whores do for your allowance?

What won’t a whore do? This project is dumb. A.D.D. kid agrees.

 See the rest of these awesome science fair projects below Continue Reading…