Aug
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Scary Breathing Face Fitness Lady – Greer Childers

green Childers face fitness

The infinite pre-sneeze

Greer Childers, now at the age of 65, and obviously greatly “enhanced” by plastic surgery and botox, has reappeared in infomercial land with a “revolutionary” (she claims) new program for body and face fitness.  I’m unsure that it’s any scientific breakthrough, but if you want exercise and totally ridiculous at the same time, try out this woman’s odd breathing and facial fitness techniques.   It’s cool if your not all that concerned with what the fitness science world has learned about fat loss, muscle building and cardiovascular activity.  Something is better than nothing i suppose………I really could care less, I just want to make fun of her. Continue Reading…

Aug
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Gay Demon Exorcisms and Possessed Animals

Below are a couple intriguing videos of real exorcisms that involve the removal of “gay demons”.    It’s pretty trippy.


I think A real gay demon would never allow his victim to leave the house wearing this outfit. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Rap Lyrics Translated into English

 rap lyrics
You know I love the materialistic, woman hating, cars and jewelry loving, weed smokin’, crack slangin, ridiculous perpetuation of ignorance known as “rap music”.  The problem is, when I’m gettin’ down in my car, I can’t understand what all the rap lyrics mean.  I thought Ice was for drinks, grillz were for cooking.  I also thought “nigga” was a word not to be used in the 21st century.  Nope……perfectly alright.  It’s goes to show how little I know about hiphop or rap lyrics.   Here’s a bit from Johnny Sacks at LivingWithBalls.com helping us out with rap lyrics so that we can understand what these buffoons are saying.  Translate them rap lyrics Nigga!

Grillz rap LyricsIt’s been too long since I’ve done this. I know many of you have probably been waiting for a new version of Rap Lyrics Translated for White People. Well, good things come to those who wait. This time around, I’ve picked out five of those most ridiculous rap songs ever written and translated them so white people can make sense of them. As always, there are some helpful footnotes as well.

Nelly feat. Paul Wall-Grillz
Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set wit little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I’m changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes [1],
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
Or on South Beach (oh) in my wife b.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it

Translation
I have a set of gold/ platinum encasings that I cover my teeth with. I have 30 on the bottom and 30 on the top
They have diamonds in them
My diamonds shine when I smile
They are expensive
I have many different types of precious metals on these grills
I put different ones on every day. Which is a lot.
I could be wearing these grills with a plain white t-shirt
Or I could be wearing them in Miami with a tank-top undershirt. I haven’t decided yet.
My grandmother does not approve but the girl I am currently having sexual relations with likes them. Continue Reading…

Jun
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Much Needed Facebook Buttons

bob ross facebook workoutMy buddy Johnny Sacks at LivingwithBalls.com just put out a post on something that’s been irking me as well.  The ridiculousness these days on Facebook has been stacking up.  His response was to create new Facebook buttons that take care of all that doucebaggery in one simple click.   Check’em out below.

The I Don’t Know Who You Are Button

This button is for those Facebook friends that got married and changed their last name, or only use their first and middle name or put some ridiculous nickname that they think makes them sound cool, instead of their actual name on their Facebook page.  Then they combine that with a picture of their baby, or cat or some other dumb shit instead of a photo of themselves.  After a while, you can’t even figure out who half the people on your news feed are anymore.  So when one of those people starts clogging up your feed or commenting on your updates, just hit the ”I don’t know who you are” button and remind them to identify themselves.

Who are You Facebook button

I’m Not Impressed You’re at the Gym Button

For the morons on Facebook who like to advertise every time they are the gym. You are  just Continue Reading…

May
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Nigerian Scam Emails and Sesame Street

Currently Nigerian scam artists may be the most poorly trained yet functional English users on the planet.  What’s Nigeria’s national language?   English.  Unfortunately, Nigeria now has its own version of “Sesame Street”, named “Sesame Square”. This can only mean one thing.  In the next few years, Nigerian scam emails will be written with decent English making them much more difficult to decipher.

Yes, That email from Mr. Barrister Yneki whose father recently died with a 4 Million dollars worth of Gold bullion trapped in a UK Bank account may soon be spelling error free.  And that fake PayPal funds deposit email might actually have the word “Transaction” spelled correctly.   Future scam victims will have to start using their brains and ask themselves, “why would someone with a ridiculously odd name that doesn’t match their email claiming to be from an eastern African country randomly email me and offer me large amounts of money”?   What…..a Nigerian scam?  No way!

Nigerian scam emails

Nigerian Scam emails and Sesame Street

The new “Sesame Square” show has a bunch of the characters from the US show, a Bid Bird with a Nigerian Accent, a furry monster obsessed with eating Yams and a character with AIDS who’s mother died.   It would be perfect if there were an Oscar the Grouch character that sits around all day figuring out new ways to rehash 419 email scams.  A grouch that sits around and writes up Nigerian scam emails and sends them to unsuspecting kids and old people would be epic.  Then there could be episodes where penpal kids from the US get scammed out of their allowance and report the Grouch the FBI.  Or they mail off their copy of Call of Duty 3 to Nigeria only to find out the PayPal payment was bunk.  I could think up new episodes all day.  Continue Reading…

Apr
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Rodrigo Ferraz – Man Boobs Man

rodrigo ferraz man boobs dancing

Mastering the Art of Toolshed

Enter Rodrigo Ferraz, possibly the most self centered youtuber since that Asians in the library girl from UCLA.  The extremity of his delusion is unhindered by the fact that he is bashed repeatedly every video he’s posted.  He continues posting videos of himself dancing rapping, rubbing his man boobs and sending out special messages to the chicas.  Rodrigo is obviously a user of Synthol; an oil that is injected into your muscle tissue to make your muscle appear larger.  In many cases, extreme Synthol can make fake muscles appear outta nowhere(his shoulders).  I posted a couple of his videos.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  The first video could possibly ruin your day. The 2nd video is a  translation of one of his home workou videos that might make up for it.  Especially since he does standing incline pushups and uses 12lb weights…….Enjoy the man boobs

Not being able to wear a backpack is a small price to pay for sexiness

Below is a workout video with a ‘special translation’ for those who can’t understand what the hell this peanut-headed primate is saying. Continue Reading…

Feb
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Monkeys Getting Drunk

I had a hard time watching this video and not posting something about it.  Not only is the “drunken monkey” a Kung Fu fighting style, but drunken monkeys actually exist.    Monkeys apparently love to get drunk and are often found around vacation/resort areas on teh prowl for neglected Mojitos and Cuba Libres.

The similarities between drunken monkeys and drunken humans are quite intriguing.  Monkeys, however don’t apologize in the morning….they’re just that bad-ass.

 

Just in case you need a few drunken monkey pics………………see below: Continue Reading…

Feb
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Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya Shirt

A simple yet elegant shirt paying homage to  Inigo Montoya from the movie “The Princess Bride” and his famous line.

“My Name is Enigo Montoya, You killed my father, prepare to die.”

The famous scene from “The Princess Bride” is in the video below. Continue Reading…
Feb
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College Freshman Meme Collection

Ahh, to be a college freshman– universally reviled and derided. You can’t get into parties, your friends are people you meet by chance in the dining hall, and even internet memes mock your valued period of self discovery.

In honor of that sordid time, here is a collection of well known cliches of being a college freshman. The meme takes a stock photo of a hopeless UNH freshman and throws on text, such as “Hangs 20 Beer Signs In Dorm… Only Ever Tasted Miller Lite”  Ridiculousness begins……

 

Enjoy great home brewed beer.

See the top 35 College Freshman meme pics after the jump Continue Reading…

Feb
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Everyone Poops – Best Children’s Book Ever

dance hard poop hard Dave

Everyone poops in this Japanese import book written by Taro Gomi for children. Readers are informed on page one that “an elephant makes a big poop, a mouse makes a tiny poop.” Later on, they are told that it comes in different shapes, colors, and smells, and that, depending on who is doing it, it is done in different places. The summarizing statement is that “all living things eat, so everyone poops.” However, there is never any explanation offered as to why. Overall, the text is merely a series of rather dull pictures of back ends of people on toilets and animals, with captions identifying them and occasionally posing questions such as “What does a whale’s poop look like?” (No answer is provided.) There is even a little joke: “A one hump camel makes a one hump poop. And a two hump camel makes a two hump poop. Just kidding.”

Click Pic to Buy!

Picture of the Book Everyone Poops

Best Children's Book Ever

Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series)