Aug
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Westboro Baptist Church DickPunched By Congress

Westboro baptist church

God Hates Congress……and fags

I’ve been a fan of bashing Westboro Baptist church for the last couple years.  Now it seems that they may have finally been restricted from their bullshit veteran funeral protests.  Congress just passed the “Honoring America’s Veterans and Caring for Camp Lejeune Families Act of 2012″.     Below are some details on the effects of the legislation.

Westboro Baptist Church protesters will soon be severely limited in their ability to disrupt military funerals, after Congress passed a sweeping veterans bill this week that includes restrictions on such demonstrations.  According to “The Honoring America’s Veterans and Caring for Camp Lejeune Families Act of 2012,” which is now headed to President Barack Obama’s desk, demonstrators will no longer be allowed to picket military funerals two hours before or after a service. The bill also requires protestors to be at least 300 feet away from grieving family members. This aspect of the legislation was introduced by Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-Maine), who, at the urging of a teenage constituent, proposed new limitations on military funeral demonstrations as a response to a 2011 Supreme Court case that ruled such actions were protected under the First Amendment.  -Huffington Post

The “Honoring America’s Veterans and Caring for Camp Lejeune Families Act of 2012″ was signed in on August 6th  The law intends to curb protests at military funerals by increasing the buffer around the funerals from 300 feet to 500 feet, and increasing the buffer around access routes to a funeral service from 150 feet to 300 feet. The “quiet time” when no protests are permitted is increased to two hours before and after the service, up from one hour. The law also creates harsher penalties for violators, who will now face unspecified fines and up to two years in prison, instead of a maximum of one year.    Next I say they pull their 503c tax free status.  Hell, what’s it take to get one of those 503c’s statuses anyway?  Make a group and proclaim that you believe in a man in the sky?    Well, Westboro’s ‘man in the sky’ hates all of us Continue Reading…

Aug
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God Hates Figs T-Shirt

Thank you Westboro Baptist Church for the inspiration to make this God hates figs shirt.  For those not familiar with Westboro Baptist Church.  They are the ones made famous for protesting at soldier’s funerals and carrying signs stating “God hates fags”, “fag enablers” and “thank God for 9/11″ etc… The Patriot Guard Riders usually shew them off or make a human barrier, but unfortunately they can’t be at every soldiers funeral.  Be sure and check out when we caught one Westboro Baptist Church protester wearing a Glee t-shirt to a protest.  I like this shirt because you can promote your hatred of figs and you can mock those douchbags at Westboro too.   Besides being a creative play on words, God really does seem to hate figs. Check out of the Bible verses below and get your learn on.

 

Biblical proof that God hates figs.

Jeremiah 29:17 Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Behold, I will send upon them the sword, the famine, and the pestilence, and will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil. Continue Reading…
Aug
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Gay Demon Exorcisms and Possessed Animals

Below are a couple intriguing videos of real exorcisms that involve the removal of “gay demons”.    It’s pretty trippy.


I think A real gay demon would never allow his victim to leave the house wearing this outfit. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Westboro Baptist Church Protester Caught Wearing Glee Shirt

A Westboro Baptist Church member was caught protesting the ordination of a gay pastor in Madison Wisconsin while wearing a tshirt advertising one of the gayest shows on earth…….GLEE.    The church was made famous a few years back for protesting at soldiers funerals and carrying sign with messages stating, “God hates fags”, “Thank God for dead soldiers”, “Fag enabler”  and other creative slogans.  According to the person who took this picture and posted it on Flickr, “She told us she didn’t know anything about the shirt, but that her sister gave it to her when they headed out this morning.”  Wow…your sister really effed you on that one!  Nothing against Glee, I’m just a bigger fan of entertainment that promotes human breeding  and the continuation of the species.  If you dig Glee…roll with it.   I would offer any over 20 male I caught watching it alone a strict regime of pushups, UFC Dvd’s, hetero porn, and daily bacon supplements to counter act any possible craving to sing or participate in musicals. Forgive me for being such a Glee-a-phobe.  I worry that Glee may convert a too many males over to non breeding lifestyles and the already strained US economy will collapse  and begin a steady cycle of deflation and showtunes.

Westboro Baptist Church

Protester Fail

Huge Thank you to the Patriot Guard Riders, who make it their mission to protect the funerals of fallen US soldiers from these Westboro Baptist Church douchbags. Continue Reading…

Jul
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Plastic St. Joseph – Please Sell My Home

I found this “St. Joseph Sell Your Home” kit at a garage sale and couldn’t resist picking it up for 50 cents.  At the time I thought it was some sort of Catholic gag gift.  Then, shortly a few months later I received an email from my Grandma all about St. Joseph and his home selling wonders.  Wild Catholic traditions never cease to amaze me so my interest was perked.  This down housing market has people doing ridiculous things……including burying upside-down St. Joseph statues in their lawn in the hopes that it will increase the chance of a home sale.

St. Joseph – What ? Why? How?

St. Joseph, the husband of Mary and earthly Father of Jesus Christ, is honored as the patron saint of married couples, families, carpenters and workingmen. March 19, his feast day, is especially celebrated by people of Italian and Polish descent. Over the years, the tradition arose of St. Joseph having a special power in real estate transactions. European nuns buried a medal with his likeness on property they hoped to acquire for convents. Gradually the medals were replaced with statues and the focus changed from buying to selling. The statue is buried upside down in the front yard with the feet pointing to heaven. It may face towards the home (or towards the street if you want your neighbor’s home to sell!) The location of the statue can vary: by the “For Sale” sign, in a flower pot (popular for condo owners), etc.. As long as you can find it once the home has sold. After the home has sold, the statue should be removed from the ground and given a place of honor in your new home.  -Cathoilc Supply

Below the picture check out some of the Amazon reviews from people that have used the plasitc St. Joseph to sell their house.

 

St. Joseph Real estate miracle

I heard that if you bury an upside down barbie in a flowerpot you’ll marry a stripper within 2 months.

Continue Reading…

Mar
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Bob Larson and His Robotic Teen Demon Slayers

Because Demons Hate Bronze Age Execution Devices

Brynne, Tess and Savannah Larson discuss how they first became involved in performing exorcisms.  Brynne is the daughter of the famous exorcist Bob Larson and claims that she did her first exorcism in Africa with her father standing by.

I wonder if after the show, they held Anderson Cooper down and tried to caste the “gay demon” out of him.    Unfortunately I think they’d rather do exorcisms on weak-minded teenage girls and poor uneducated Africans.  (And yes….if you were not aware, Anderson Cooper is gay)


Not sure……but I’m guessing the qualification for excising a demon is the same qualification you need to kick a unicorn or punch Continue Reading…

Jan
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Pat Robertson Quotes God, Get’s Called Out By Colbert

Pat Robertson false prophetIf you come from religious perspective and can get over Colbert’s irreverence of tradition, you’ll realize that he’s doing what needs to be done more often—–punking out buffoons like Pat Robertson.  Pat is part of a long list of people smacking their lips on God’s behalf, claiming the know the future, and repeatedly contradicting themselves.   He claims to quote God directly and relays God’s message that the country will go through a large economic collapseIs God Captain obvious now?  The only specific detail that God gave Pat Robertson was the identity of the next US president.  Unfortunately, Pat was not allowed to tell the public.  I find this quite convenient, just in case he misheard God.

The Colbert Report

 

Pat Robertson apparently gets a pass on Bullshit claims of future knowledge and connection with God Continue Reading…

Nov
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Ugandan Christians Fight Against the Poo Eating Gays

 

Ugandan Christian pastor (Doodie Sanchez) is leading the fight against the scourge of homosexuality in Uganda.  Listen as he  enlightens us on the details of  ‘the gay’.  Those crazy homosexuals, eating da poo poo.

Uganda is currently pushing for a bill to have homosexuals killed or imprisoned.    I’m wondering if the homosexuals who do not “ eat da poo poo” are also included?

So, where does Doodie Sanchez get his info from?  Does the arm make it all the way up to elbow?   Wow that’s a real trooper.

Be sure and check out the  “Eat da Poo Poo” Meme site.   Knowyourmeme – Eat da Poo poo

 

Frank Mugisha is kicking ass and leading the fight against idiots like the pastor above. (who are indirectly ushering in death penalties and hate driven violence) Continue Reading…

Jun
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Zeitgeist Fail – Part One Debunked

zeitgeist movie fail graphic

Zeitgeist Fail

For those that have seen the movie “Zeitgeist”, this debunking video ought to be pretty interesting.  Part One of the Zeitgeist movie was a seemingly enlightening (and shocking) foray into the roots of Christianity.  Well, shocking unless you’re familiar with some of the claims they’re making.  Peter Joseph, the writer and director, seeks to persuade his viewers that the authors of the New Testament borrowed the idea of Jesus’ virgin birth, December 25th birth date, twelve disciples, miracles, crucifixion, and resurrection from astrological sources and ancient pagan mystery religions that were around long before the time of Christ.  The video below is dedicated to debunking the the first part of the conspiracy laden claims of the Zeitgeist movie.  While there are similarities between various pre-Christian myths and the roots of Christianity, the Zeitgeist movie really showed it’s ignorance by making some obvious screw ups in the first few minutes.   One that I caught was the idiotic connection between the Christian “Three Kings” story, astrology and to Horus.  Those familiar with the Bible will know that it says nothing about three kings.  There were however, Magi that visited Jesus after his birth.  Their number was not specified and they were not kings.  It appears that the creators of Zeitgeist had sources in “Part One” that didn’t go much further then poorly researched Hallmark cards and Christmas carols.  Continue Reading…

May
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Google Search Recommendation – Can Jesus Microwave a Burrito?

So, if you type in “can Jesus” into the Google search box,  a bunch of Google search recommendations and related phrases pop up below.  One of them is “can Jesus Microwave a burrito”. Much like celeb cellulite and dramatic chipmunks,  this is one of those things that’s nearly impossible NOT to click on.   I clicked on it and quickly learned about Jesus and his philosophical burrito.  Can Jesus Microwave a Burrito

Turns out this internet MEME is quite popular.  The question “can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot even him could not eat it” has been answered numerous time on Yahoo Answers.    The Yahoo Answer after the jump  is by far the most in depth answer  and revolves around the age old paradox: “can God create a rock so heavy he cannot lift”.   Thanks Google Search Recommendations for wasting yet another 30 minutes of my life.

 

See the full philosophical answer below.

Continue Reading…