Hey, sweetie, it's authorized, I checked it on Islam-QA.com. Don't worry everything's going to be ok.

I just found a fun website called Islam Question and Answer!   It’s tons of fun.  Just think of the stupidest questions you can think of,  search for them, and you’ll find long drawn out answers from Islamic councils and famous Muslim mullahs(priests).

Or…………….. you can just look through all of my silly questions and answers below.   I spent about 3 hours searching through this entertaining site.  It’s my first exposure to Islam and it’s been awesome!  I translated the questions a bit but kept the original meaning for each one.

One odd thing I found about this site and about Islam in general is; there are a ton of rules and commandments centered around peeing on your clothes, farting, having sex with your slaves and marrying Christian girls. You’ll see below.  I’m not making anything up. Each question  is a link to the original answer on the site.

Go ahead click the links……..not making anything up.

What are the benefits of drinking camel urine?

The benefits of drinking Camel Urine are astounding.  Islamic scienctists have proven that it is useful for:

“the treatment of skin diseases such as ringworm, tinea and abscesses, sores that may appear on the body and hair, and dry and wet ulcers.   Camel’s urine brings the secondary benefits of making the hair lustrous and thick, and removing dandruff from the scalp.   Camel’s milk is also beneficial in treating hepatitis, even if it has reached an advanced stage where medicine is unable to treat it.   Also, camel’s urine is beneficial in treating al-hazaaz, and it was said that al-hazzaz is a pain in the heart caused by anger and so on.”

Can my wife wear perfume when she goes out shopping?

No No No, Bueno!  Perfume is not allowed.  If your wife smells like a Calcutta sewer, too bad.   It is better that she is undesirable.  The real question is: Just what the hell is she doing outside of the house?

Can I bang one of my slaves?

Of course you can, just like you relations with your wife.  But if she marries off to another man you must stop because it is not permissible for a woman to have two men.

“It is permissible for the one who gains possession of male or female slaves to sell them. In both cases – owning a slave through battle or through purchase – it is not permissible for a man to have intercourse with a slave woman until after she has had one menstrual cycle from which it may be established that she is not pregnant. If she is pregnant, then he must wait until she has given birth.”

Are we allowed to Eat Mermaids?

Ibn ‘Aabideen says…… no you cannot eat Mermaids.  It is haram.  That’s bad….   But, Mermaids do exist.

Why can’t I have a pet Dog?

It is haram. Dog saliva and urine has been proven again and again by Islamic scientists to spread disease and other impurities.  And it is confirmed in the Koran.  Goats on the other hand are clean and pure.

Is it Authorized to have happy spanky time with my fiance?

Sorry, according to the boss, you gotta sign a marraige contract.  Then all is allowed; even the legendary maple syrup Slip and Slide technique.

I’m a hairy woman.  Can I get my pubes lasered?

Yes but only your armpits.  You must not do your nether regions because that would require someone seeing your “awrah”.  No one must see your “awrah”.

Is it true that a demon will sit on my chest and give me upper respiratory problems if I neglect my prayers?

Bingo!  While some issues are caused by biological reasons, some are caused by wiley demons.   In Arabic they’re called “Jinn”.

What do I do if I jizz in my pants?

This has an in depth answer but basically, wash you clothes and wash your bodies.  And what ever you do…….do it before you pray.  Allah most merciful will not listen to you if you have soiled your pants.  It is haram.

Can I pee standing up as long as I don’t get any drops on my pants?

It’s better to sit down to pee.  Why?  First, it’s easier to hide your “awrah”(wiener).  Second, it’s easier to shake it and not get drops of pee yourself.   If you get pee on your pants, Allah most merciful will not listen to your prayers.  Most Merciful Allah doesn’t like pee pee pants.  I suppose Doodiepants are also frowned upon.

What were the results, seeing as though they couldn’t find anyone who didn’t watch porn? Crunchgear.com summed up the porn statistics well:

• Single men watched an average of 40 minutes of porn three times per week

• Non-single men watched porn a little bit less, 20 minutes and 1.7 times per week

• Men have “conventional” sexual habits, whatever that means

• Porn hasn’t changed men’s perception of women

For some interesting figures that may surprise you,   check out the handy diagram after jump.

Source:

Online Education

It’s quite interesting that that Mormon capital of the world had the highest porn consumption per capita.

I hear ya knockin

Watch the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints video below.  You’ll flip…..

I’m still kinda sad that those damn dark skinned ones had to be such fence sitters and couldn’t be valiant and righteous like the light skinned ones.   Oh Well……now they’re cursed with blackness forever.  Shenanigans!

A few Quotes From the Source:

“…cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing…the Lord God did cause a skin of BLACKNESS to come upon them (Book of Mormon 2 Nephi 5:21)”

“And . . . they were a mixture of all the seed of Adam save it was the seed of Cain, for the seed of Cain were black, and had not place among them (Pearl of Great Price Moses 7:22).”

1947 the First Presidency (supreme council) of the Church issued an Official Statement: “From the days of the Prophet Joseph Smith even until now, it has been the doctrine of the Church, never questioned by Church leaders, that the Negroes are not entitled to the full blessings of the Gospel.” (Statement of The First Presidency on the Negro Question, July 17 1947, quoted in Mormonism and the Negro, pp.46-7)

Also, if you don’t believe us about the “special Mormon underwear”, Google it.

This is for real - Mormon Underwear - No Bull

Related articles:

• Brigham Young University Lifts YouTube Ban (huffingtonpost.com)
• “Crap, I’m apologizing for my Mormonism again. Sorry.” (motleyvision.org)
• Mormon Church to Build 5 New Temples Worldwide (abcnews.go.com)
• Explosive Revelation on Mormon Church Involvement in Prop 8 (bilerico.com)

Here’s the truth behind the Haitian Revolution and Dutty Boukman (Pronounced Doodie Bookman)  If you look into Haitian history, there’s a story about a Voodoo priest whose death led to the final slave revolt that resulted in Haitian independence.
Wikipedia Entry On Dutty Boukman and and Haitian Revolution:

Dutty Boukman was a houngan, or vodoun priest whose death was considered a catalyst to the slave uprising that marked the beginning of the Haïtian Revolution.

Boukman was born in Jamaica, and later sold by his British master to a French plantation owner, who put him to work as a commandeur (slave driver) and, later, a coach driver. His French name came from his English nickname, “Book Man,” which he earned due to his ability to read.

On 22 August 1791, Boukman presided in the role of houngan (priest) together with an African-born priestess and conducted a ceremony at the Bois Caïman and prophesied that the slaves Jean François, Biassou, and Jeannot would be leaders of a slave revolt that would free the slaves of Saint-Domingue. A pig, which symbolized the wild, free, and untamable spiritual power of the forest and the ancestors, was sacrificed, an oath was taken, and Boukman and the priestess exhorted the listeners to fight bravely against their oppressors. Days later the Haitian Revolution began. Boukman was not the first to attempt a slave uprising in Saint-Domingue, as he was preceded by others, such as Padrejean in 1676, and François Mackandal in 1757. However, his large size, warrior-like appearance, and fearsome temper made him an effective leader and helped spark the Haitian Revolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutty_Boukman

Haiti, I thought we had a deal?

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• Shep Smith hits Robertson’s ‘devil’ comments: The people of Haiti ‘don’t need that’ at a time like this. (thinkprogress.org)

Here is the newly released picture of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s soiled bikini.

Bikini Briefs? Seriously?

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See our previous article “Are Heterosexual Taliban a Dying Breed”.

Al-Qaeda Weapon of Choice – The GayK-47 by doodiepants
Get t-shirts from zazzle

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Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking Break it Down!

Symphony of Science did an amazing job remixing Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos” and various other science figureheads into three awesome tracks. You’ll see Stephen Hawking, Michio Kaku, Richard Dawkins, Michio Kaku, Robert Jastrow, and “Bill Nye the Science Guy”!   Also I’ve included links to download the mp3′s for each song.  Richard Dawkins continuously sounds like super wuss though.  Maybe he’s still sour over our last post about him.

See the entire Symphony of Science music video gallery after the jump……….

Download Mp3′s for each “Symphony of Science” track:

Our Place in the Cosmos

We Are All Connected

A Glorious Dawn

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COMMENTS?

Science Music makes learning fun..

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• Symphony of Science – Our Place in the Cosmos (ft. Sagan, Dawkins, Kaku, Jastrow) (geeksaresexy.net)
• Sagan Ramblings… (mackenab.com)
• We Are All Connected (dvorak.org)
• Symphony of Science (neatorama.com)

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

COMMENTS?

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The ‘Christian Side Hug’ is the perfect hug for insuring no lustful thoughts enter the minds of any unmarried huggers.   It also serves to avoid any accidental junk or boob rubbing.  Watch the video and be put in awe.  It’ll be stuck in your head all week.

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There needs to be some sort of Christian cheese-ball commission; something setup to stop things like this or anything like it from ever coming out.  I realize that this would mean that nearly all of the Christian rap and rock from the 1990′s and most Christian t-shirts from bookstores be banned…….but something must be done.

Ryan Pann, the main signer and song writer spoke with the Chicago Tribune and admitted that the performance was a spoof.  But……when you  watch the video, there’s no indication of this.  They all seem pretty serious and gangsta gangsta.   Why would you let this video go out with no disclaimer?   I have no idea.  Now this video’s release is likely the largest regret of the Christian church since the the Spanish Inquisition.

The ‘Christian Side Hug’ is a more specific version of the ‘Church Hug’ defined in Urban Dictionary as “A hug in which a female hugger deliberately avoids pelvic and chest contact with a male huggee to prevent him from pressing up against her for cheap feels.”

COMMENTS?

I guess he didn't get the memo.

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The God Warrior – Trading Spouses Episode

If you feel the need to see the entire double episode, you can watch it here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgylwjkm8u0

Kill it with fire!

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COMMENTS?

The Taliban have been known for their interesting habits and beliefs.  They believe women are dirty and not to be seen in public.  They have men only parties, with men only dancing(see the last 2 videos). They kill people who have sex with unauthorized women and they love beardless boys.   I think this video collage and the links below make it perfectly clear what every coalition soldier leaves Afghanistan believing.  The Taliban are incredibly gay.


Credits to Thomas Dworzak for creating this video.  Originally posted on Magnum In Motion

If your only view of Afghanistan and the Taliban comes from your television, you’re likely to have a skewed image in your mind.  Taliban are almost always shown to be violent and oppressive. But, they are also often portrayed as being totally submitted to their flavor of Islam and extremely strict and conservative.  Ironically, they are the Islamic saints that they would have you believe.   The Taliban are a confused group of radical Muslims that use lack of education and religious fear to hold large groups of poverty stricken Afghans and Pakistanis at bay.  The men that will punish you for not growing a beard or for owning a Ricky Martin CD,  are the same men that will have a boy dancing in their room at night.  They are not holy men.

The Koran and it’s scriptures can be twisted to justify various murderous and oppressive Taliban edicts, but ‘manlove’ is not one of them.  In my opinion, this makes the Taliban the most hypocritical group ever.  There is no pedestal of holiness that any man or group should be put on.  The Catholics have made this abundantly clear with their recent ‘altar boy’ fiascoes.  Protestant versions of Christianity have had their hypocritical hiccups as well.  The difference is…………………..they won’t kill you if you refuse to believe like they do.  I know many good Muslims that strive each day to honor their God and their Prophet.  The Taliban make a mockery of Islam.

Below are 2 videos displaying  a common ‘man only’ party in the region.  NO  JOKE!

Taliban Kill Boy and Girl Runaway Lovers

Kandahar comes out of the Closet

The Boy Singers of Kabul

Kandahar’s Lightly Veiled Homosexual Habits

Startled Marines find Afghan men all made up to see them

Shhh, It’s an Open Secret: Warlords and Pedophilia

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In the finest vernacular, I must say that our qualms with the Taliban are not due to their extreme man cravings  but with their extreme hypocrisy and murderous ways.

For being murderous hypocritical girlie men

These new dew rags are just super.

Man Love Thursday

COMMENTS?