Mar
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Mall Ninja Resurgence – Brother of Gecko45 Found?

I found another Mall Ninja on Pensacola Fishing Forum.  Not sure—-but I’m wondering if could  this be a reappearance of the legendary GECKO45—– maybe his brother?

This Capt. Ron guy is awesome!  Between his blood loss, Epi pen shooting drills and his discounting  of real world experience, this US Navy swimmer has mall ninja on lock down.  I love his finishing line.  “The fact still remains, I’m the only one that still hits his target at 50′, one handed, standing on one leg on an upside down Bosu ball. When any of you forum fighters think you can out-shoot me, come on down. I’ll give you a free lesson in bad-ass!

 

Capt. Ron’s Forum Entry:

I have performed both adrenaline drills with a .3ml adult dose epi pen and the Dracula drill. Continue Reading…

Jan
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Viper Academy – Mall Ninja School

We found more Mall Ninjas.  In fact, we found a school dedicated to training them.

super mall ninja operators

Fast Action Response Team (F.A.R.T.)

I can’t get enough of the Viper Academy. It’s like someone who grew up watching cheesy tactical shooter movies in a rough neighborhood then decided to confront violent crime  by building a tactical training center with absolutely no military or police background.  Enter the Threat Management Center of Detroit.  Theses guys are walking on high beams with assault rifles, throwing knives, shooting airsoft rifles and brandishing ninja swords.  From the videos below, it looks like they’re training for the Mall Ninja Olympics.

mall ninja special boat unit

Mall Ninja Special Boat Division (S.B.D.)

I’d love to see them show up at Blackwater Training Center or try and pitch their training system to Triple Canopy or the like.   They’d be laughed off the block.  See the videos below for some super entertaining mall ninja operator training. Continue Reading…

Dec
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“Tier One” Operator Training Fail

Chris Collins Glock to Throat

Dummy Guns? Who needs em!

I hope this training group has good liability insurance.  It looks like another warrior ninja decided to make a tactical fighting course.  You have a bunch of “experts” coming up with untested theories and Hollywood moves then peddling them as combat ready techniques.  In reality, they’re performance art and should only be taught in Stuntman 101.  It’s movie choreography, not war-zone ready tactics.   Unfortunately for this instructor, life is not a John Woo movie.  In real world situations, when you are in a life or death fight with your enemy, they not stop resisting and wait for you to finish firing.

The founder, Chris Collins, is apparently a US Marine Force Recon vet.  Judging by his ridiculous ‘look cool’ fighting concepts,I’m guessing he’s a pre-9/11, peacetime deployment Marine.  Could be wrong though.

I thought the point of training how to fight with firearms Continue Reading…

Dec
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Ya’ll Need Need Some Bodyguardin?

A bullet load of tactical forums have been posting on this bodyguard service from Montgomery, Alabama.   I still have a hard time believing they real.  It appears that a group of meth-heads who played too much Call of Duty decided to make a bodyguard company.

 

If you have any doubts on the authenticity of the pics Continue Reading…

Dec
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When Call of Duty Isn’t Enough – Airsoft Heroes

Welcome to the world of airsoft.  Please keep in mind that these pictures are not of active duty units, real world security contractors, or government personnel.  These are folks that spend more money on gear than the actual BTDT’s (Been There Done That) they’re  mimicking.   You can tell by their hard looks and ‘rough and ready’ candor, some of these plastic BB shooting Special Forces posers think they’re certifiable badasses.    Check out the amazing collection of Airsoft team shots I found on various team sites. They’re kind of like Mall Ninjas,(see the infamous internet gun forum legend Gecko45) except Mall Ninjas are way more respectable. At least they carry an actual weapons and are proud of their work. Also, below the gallery, you’ll find a funny list of “You know you’re addicted to airsoft when”. Check it for a laugh. Airsoft Toolsheds unite……

Airsoft posers

When being a tactical airsoft douchebag isn’t enough, Photoshop yourself in war-zone backdrops with a trident in the corner.

 

 TO see the entire gallery of Airsoft military posers, see below Continue Reading…

Jan
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Military Sniper Ends Skinny Redneck’s Pity Party

Don’t let anyone tell you things like this only happen in the movies.  Here’s proof that you really can shoot the guns out of people’s hand.  Catching bullets in your mouth and some of the Remo Williams tricks are still up for debate.


A military sniper team aiding local law enforcement shot the pistol out of this suidical man’s hands.   The man was likely distraught due to recent news related to something fitting his stereotype.  Continue Reading…

Dec
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The Legend of the Mall Ninja – Gecko45

First I want to thank LonelyMachines.com for the Original 2006 Mall Ninja post:

They kept the mall ninja legend alive and compiled the entire rantings of the legendary “GECKO45″ from various tactical forums.  For military and law enforcement members, this may be one of the funniest forum posts you’ll ever read.

 

 

 This is a collection of the wisdom posted on the internet by a guy calling himself Gecko45. It all started back at the end of the halcyon summer of 2001, and his posts have created a certain urban legend that many refer to as the Mall Ninja. Hang out at any gun shop, gun show or shooting match and you’ll see one of these guys; you might even see a group of them since they are known to associate in the wild.

The Mall Ninja is easily distinguished by an abundance of “tactical” gear, such as fatigues, a thigh holster (with, of course, a Glock), combat boots, bandolier and other accouterments that you’d usually only see on a SWAT operative. Median age is usually 19-25, and they tend to boast about their various exploits with certain Special Forces units, all of which they’re too young and idiotic to have joined (real Special Forces types don’t brag). They typically have opinions on everything, regardless of expertise, they are uniformly poor shots, and they tend to exhibit a frightening lack of safety training.

 

The shadowy and shrill figure known as Gecko45 is the holy Dalai Lama of these dolts, but trust me, there are more. Many, many more.

 

 

Anyhow, I went looking for the original GlockTalk thread, and I found that it’s no longer archived. For a time, it was mirrored at mallninja.com, but sadly, the site is now down. Luckily, I had a copy of the thread cached (as well as a great one from the HK91 forum), so I figured I’d post it here. I’ve only kept Gecko’s posts (with one hilarious exception), since I don’t have permission from the folks who responded to him, but needless to say, he got grilled. A few folks even played along to get a rise out of him.

 

All in all, good fun. I’ve added emphasis to the parts that deserve particular attention, and a bit of commentary in italics. I’ve left all spelling and grammatical errors intact, painful as they may be.

So, without further ado: Continue Reading…

Jun
Comments

Body Armor Two For One

One guy is a doodie pants for letting someone shoot them at that distance, even with body armor.  One guy is a stud for taking one to the head and laughing about it (and fighting in a war of course).  Language NSFW in the first one.

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